Anxiety: Me

“Inner workings of Anxiety” 

I am creating 3 mandalas that are representative of each phase that I go through when I am having an anxiety attack. I want to state again that this is my own personal experience. This is specifically my story with my feelings and emotions and in no way does it generalize what anxiety is or how it feels to other people. The anxiety that I feel amplifies my emotions, which leads to even greater anxiety, and the cycle continues. It is for this reason that I chose to do these mandalas. They are endless and boundless and the circles can continue forever. But that is the beauty of a mandala. Even though there is the possibility of a never-ending cycle and countless repetitions of the same pattern, you also have the ability to say that this is the last circle. You are in control of how many circles you complete, how many sections there are, what colours you chose, and the type of pattern you want to create. That is the same way that I see my anxiety. I can continue forever in this state of emotional outbursts and never-ending exhaustion, or I can continue working on my coping skills and learning new healthy habits. 

I am creating a mandala for each phase of my anxiety attacks. A Pre-anxiety attack, Mid- anxiety attack, and a Post- anxiety attack mandala. Each colour that I chose is representative of an emotion that I am feeling and each symbol represents certain actions. Mandalas are created to be read from the inside outward so that is what I am doing with my mandalas as well. The explanations of the colours and symbols are next to the mandalas so that they can be "read" by the viewer and help them gain a better understanding of this artwork. If you do not understand the meaning behind these drawings, it could mean that you are trying to read these mandalas like a book, when they are meant to be viewed as an intricate poem. 

These three drawings are stacked on each other and rotate on an axis in the middle. This axis consists of a broach from my grandmother. She is in the middle of these mandalas because she's the centre of this project for me. They will also be able to rotate to create a variety of different combinations. I decided to take this layout because every anxiety episode is not the same as the one before it. Some are more or less intense than others

Some are triggered by different things than what would normally trigger me. Therefore each third of each mandala is a different drawing. 

Throughout these drawings, positive affirmations can be seen written in miniature script. I included these affirmations to show that even though the words are small, they can have a massive impact on the way that I think. But it also shows that you really need to invest time and energy into people to be able to understand what it takes for them to stay positive through all of their hardships. The only way to understand someone's struggles is to get close to them and look beneath the surface and the pretty colours.

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